“One comes of it, love it, love it
Let go of it, love comes from it”
Those words are from one of my favorite Avett Brothers songs, Life. That song has become my heart and my soul lately. So many changes emotionally and mentally in my life. And the biggest change of all has been, letting go. I finally have started letting go of the past and everything in it. You can not expect to move ahead if you still cling to the past. The past is the past for a reason, you can’t go back and change anything so stop dwelling on it.
I lived so much of my life living in the past, and I never fully realized just how much I was missing out on. I was just existing, not really living. Late November, Early December I got the reality check I needed. I was clued in to how I carried myself and how it was perceived by others. And it was then I decided the self-destructive path I had been on needed to stop. Not only was I hurting myself with my words of self-doubt, I was casting that same hurt onto others. That was a painful pill to swallow. When you have self-doubt, you think you are only hurting yourself, but little do you realize you hurt others as well, that is when you discover who your friends are. They will call you out and say “STOP”. Though my heart was broken, I am thankful for it.
I went through a cleaning purge yesterday. Any negative messages, exchanges I’ve had with anyone in the past is gone. It was eye-opening and heartbreaking all together to see some of the things said and the reality of how those words can affect others and your relationships with them. One recipient of said messages, WOW…all I can say is I’m sorry not only to you, but to me as well! The strain that must have put on not only our friendship, but you personally…I’m truly sorry and thankful that you called me on it and made me think. (F*…All of our messages and exchanges, they are all gone, that girl…she has been shut down. I chose to delete them to no longer be associated with her nor the past.) So I prayed for forgiveness, to be shown new direction. The ever so present constant in my life is my love and faith for God. He is truly there for me no matter what, that is true love!
Yesterday at work I was told by 3 different co-workers that I looked awesome and I looked much happier. Those compliments were God’s reassurance that I was on the right path! While I am still not where I want to be, I am much closer than I was yesterday! I just want to be the best possible version of myself I can be 🙂